You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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