I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
