I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
