Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
