He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My vagina is officially offended.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We need to get me chipped asap
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
