We won't sleep together?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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