sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
