im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
