Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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