just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
