You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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