Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
