Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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