and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
