You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
