Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
