love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
