I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am midnight drunk by noon
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
