is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
