i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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