I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize