Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
