is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
