A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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