Im at strip club and am horny
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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