I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize