i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
