I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
