so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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