Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
