yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He passed out mid-signature
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
