the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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