Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
