It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
