I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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