Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
