Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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