I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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