I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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