Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
