Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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