I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
