It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
