Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
