We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just forgot I was standing up.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize