oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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