My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize