Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
