Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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