If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
