Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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