Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
