Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
