On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
