He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
