Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
