the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize