Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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