i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
