Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
