i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
