I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
