your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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