Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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