I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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