i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
