dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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