Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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