You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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