um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
