All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
